


Natasha is Not a Cinnamon Roll; Natasha is a Puffer Fish

by volunteertribute (cinderellasleftshoe)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 02:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7415407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderellasleftshoe/pseuds/volunteertribute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha Romanov, super spy assassin, navigates assignments, relationships, errands, sushi dates, and wardrobe changes. Because a woman's work is never done, and this woman is no fluffy cinnamon roll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natasha is Not a Cinnamon Roll; Natasha is a Puffer Fish

**Author's Note:**

> This is for J & J, who wanted more good Natasha fic where she is less fluffy scenery for someone else's story and more teeth and barbs. I agreed.
> 
> I don't have a beta, a sense of humor, or much of a conscience. I do have wine though.

The smartphone in her thigh pocket vibrated. She slipped it out and checked the screen. Sam.

 

"How you doin'?"

 

"Hey" she tapped back and rotated her left wrist to loosen it, rolled her neck, shrugged twice, and then picked up her travel mug and pulled a small sip of single estate Sumatran. Mmmm. Sunny, sunny coffee.

 

"Come over tonight?" her phone buzzed again.

 

The corner of Natasha's lip quirked up. She was weighing the phone in her hand when it buzzed yet again.

 

"i've got popcorn and that Soter pinot noir you like."  
"We can watch Daredevil Season 2 again. Critique Elektra's moves and get all meta."  
"..."  
"I have popcorn."  
"... and cookies. Chicks did the cookies."

 

She bit her bottom lip to stifle her giggle and texted back, "I'm shopping." And then she flipped through the images on her phone, comparing them again to the objects in her line of sight. Her eyes narrowed in delight - that one!

 

buzz. "Oh! Lila's bday party! Yessssss! We gonna eat all dat cake!"  
buzz. "I got her that awesome new Game Developer Barbie. Want me to put both our names on it?"

 

What? Then she texted back, "HOW!? Those sold out everywhere!"

 

buzz. "I got a hookup."

 

Yeah, I'll bet you do, she thought. "No, thanks. I got her another CD."

 

buzz. "Are you a 50-year-old man? No one listens to CDs anymore. Besides, vinyl's where it's at. No worries. I'll put your name on Awesome Barbie."

 

What? "Certificate of Deposit, dumbass. For her college fund. Godmother, duh."

 

buzz. "Shit. That's way cooler than a Barbie."  
buzz. "I'll still let you eat all that cake with me tho..."

 

"I got a bunch more errands still. Check in about tonight again in two hours?"

 

buzz. "Sure. Give the dry cleaner hell!"

 

Oh, I will. 

 

Natasha sealed her mug, slipped it back into her rucksack, aimed carefully, and dropped the rucksack through the skylight. The 6'5" gym muscle dude who was supposed to be on guard duty, probably, but who had spent the last twenty minutes mostly preening at himself in the glass windows, was startled from his reflection-gazing by the clunk of travel-mug-through-canvas hitting the concrete floor. He turned and stared in puzzlement at the rucksack lying in the middle of the room. These gym rats are always so slow, she thought.

Natasha leapt through the skylight, pulling her knees to her chest, flattening her palms, and hitting Muscles fully and squarely in the upper body with her entire 130 pounds of sinew and teeth. Muscles went down on his ass and then fell back as the back of his head hit the concrete with a dull melon sound. Natasha somersaulted over him and came up in a crouch. Muscles scrambled back to his feet just in time for Tasha to sweep his legs and send him down again. She drew up her right leg back, curled in on her center, and then extended her body in a sidekick that drove her heel through Muscle's larynx and into the floor. 

Tasha jumped back quickly and shook her body out, shrugging two more times to loosen her neck. She looked around again, picked up the rucksack, and unzipped it in a smooth motion. Two steps, one, two, and she was off and running again, sweeping the small electronic device she'd identified from her pics into her bag, zipping it closed, and then swinging it onto her back. Three, four, five, steps, and she was onto the countertop, kicking off of the bookcase, and catching her gloved hands and wrapped forearms onto the edge of the skylight. Six, seven, steps and she was through and up onto the roof running for the parapet. Eight, nine, and ten, steps and she was onto the parapet, flying over the alley, folding into a soft roll on then next rooftop over, and then down onto the fire escape. Eleven, twelve, steps and she was onto the sidewalk, waving her arm, and slipping into a cab headed for the cleaners. Tasha dropped her bag onto the seat next to her and pulled her phone from the thigh pocket of her cargo pants. She brought up the takeaway app and placed a large order of sushi, rolls, gyoza, and those crab things everyone likes for pick up in an hour. 

\---

"Hello, Miss Natasha," the young woman smiled shyly as Tasha walked into the cleaners. Her name was Rose, and she was a willowy fifteen with warm brown eyes and a heavy fringe of dark lash. "Hola, Rosita," Tasha replied softly. "How's your mamá?" 

"She is very, very pregnant," laughed Rose, and she pressed the button and the huge dragon of clothing racks began to spin and whir. Rosa spoke quietly into a headset on her ear, and, in response, voices could be heard shouting in the back room. An entirely too pretty blonde boy of sixteen ran up to the counter carrying a neat bundle of clothes tied in paper. "Hi, Tex," Tasha said warmly. The pretty boy, Baxter on his birth certificate, smiled shyly through his moppy curls and placed the string-wrapped package on the counter. Then, he squeezed Rose's hand, smiled at her, and disappeared into the back. 

"Your dad warming to the boy any?" Tasha asked? 

"Ehhhh," replied Rose with a smile. "It would be worse if dad was in charge, but mom is pregnant and she likes Baxter a lot. He brings her pretzels and keeps the little ones occupied."

"You two still going upstate together for college?"

 

"Yep. Mom's cousin is coming in from Phoenix to help with the business, and Baxter's parents are going to buy a condo where we can live just off campus."

 

"Yeah, does Papá know about the condo?" 

 

"Ehhhhh," Rose giggled, "once mom puts his new daughter in his arms, he's not going to care about where I'm living. He's only going to remember to brag about my scholarships to the neighbors."

 

Rose handed Tasha her hangers and folded package, and Tasha kissed her on the forehead. "See you next week!" She checked her phone, shook her head, and then walked out onto the street hailing a cab. Time to text Sam.

 

\---

 

"Hey"

 

"Yo, Catwoman!"

 

"Don't make me give your sushi to the pigeons in the park..."

 

"Nooooooo Not the sushi!!"

 

"I'm going to stop by my place and change, and then pick up the sushi on my way to yours. Maybe 40 minutes. S'OK?"

 

"Absolutely. Did you get enough crab thingies, or do I need to call them back?"

 

"I got enough crab thingies to feed you and whomever 'drops in' because they know it's movie night and we have the good crab thingies." 

 

"You know they just drop in because you wear those leather pants..."

 

"Fuck you. How do you know they don't drop in because *you* wear those leather pants?"

 

"We do have the best asses in the gang."

 

"You know it. See you in 30."

\---

Tasha hopped out of the cab and took the elevator up to the penthouse of Tony's place.

"Hey, Maria."

 

"Hey, Tash. Any trouble?"

 

"Nah. Hired Muscle and no brains. Low security. I'm not sure they even knew what they had."

 

"Well, we like to keep it that way. You headed to Sam's?"

 

"Why? You want the little crab thingies?"

 

"Actually, I want that Soter pinot he always puts up for you."

 

Tasha slid her left foot back into a sparring stance and raised her fists, "MY Pinot!!"

 

Maria laughed and batted her eyelashes."I've got to brief the man anyway. But I'll text later?"

 

"Sure. Come by when you're done, we'll have leftovers. And we're watching Daredevil Season 2."

 

"A little meta, isn't that?"

 

"What? Us? Meta?" The women exchanged hugs and kisses and then Natasha was out the door. She checked her phone. She could just make it to tea shop before they closed. The last time she'd been at Sam's, he was out of the black dragon hand-rolled jasmin.


End file.
